Browsing Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social network channels, I am amazed with my friends’ updates. Some of them is a proud father or mother. Some of them will getting engaged or soon to be married. Some of them earning a highly paid salary with respectable position in their company. Some of them had completed their Masters or PhD. Success stories and happiness for them. Alhamdulillah!
Reading those updates serve as ‘gentle’ reminder for myself that I already reach the ‘tipping point’ of my life – the need to move to the next stage. Proceed to the next stage requires me to fulfill certain requirements, and somehow I failed to fulfill those during stipulated time. This year seems to be the most challenging as I faced many obstacles and failures that were beyond my control. I lost a ‘secure’ position in an Agency in order to uphold my integrity; I lost some close friends due to misunderstanding; and the biggest of all, I lost my partner. The Malay proverb to describe this is ‘Sudah Jatuh Ditimpa Tangga’.
Those ‘turbulences’ indeed distrupt my planning and somehow affect my motivation and determination to move forward. The plan that I crafted since UIAM days is rendered invalid due to those unfavorable events. Nevertheless, I tried to be strong and slowly accepted the fact that we cannot guarantee success although we carefully executed and monitored the plan. The end result is still subject to Allah S.W.T. approval and blessing.
Alhamdulillah, the distruptive events actually a blessing in disguise. I learn to view things from different perspectives, and understand that ‘true friends’ are indeed very rare to find. Only a few, very few, that stood by me during hardship and they give me valuable advices and motivation. Loyalty and faithfullness, is good in theory, but in practice, it is hard to uphold. Being loyal to someone does not meant he or she will return the favor intact – there are many third parties that insist to destroy the relationship and gain advantage(s) over it.
My failure in relationship, is the most valuable experience. I will not blame my former partner, as I also have some share of mistakes that might contribute to the failure. You may call me a naive, no harm on that. Love is volatile, a complicated matter. You can try to simplify it but feeling is not subject to simplification – it is dynamic. I value a relationship as an ‘amanah’ (responsibility) and maybe because of this, when it as not worked as expected, it really disturbed me. It is worth to note that our partner is a human, and he/she is subject to external intervention that might change his/her loyalty and faithfullness.
I am undeterred. Although I failed to hold the premise that long-range relationship is possible to last long, but I will not change, rather drastically, my what so called ‘Look East Coast Policy’ (LECP). LECP is a master plan which outline my preference for a partner from East Coast region, precisely, from Pahang, Terengganu or Kelantan. This plan does not mean I will ignore other region but it is just a matter of preference. LECP was drafted during my student days, and NOT after I graduated from UIAM as many believed. LECP is just my internal, personal plan, and if I found a woman from non-East Coast region that fulfill my criteria, I will consider.
Friends-turned-foes, a few nevertheless. Again, I always consider them as friends although some of them almost ‘destroyed’ my life. I honor their contributions, assistance, and advices. They are now against me, mostly for personal reason, and I will respect that. We have our own point of view, our perceptions towards some issues, but to leverage the differences as a claim to change a friendship into enemyship is not my way of doing thing. To those who give me a hope, a kind words, a meaningful dream to live together but later kill it with an instance shot, I will take no revenge, because I am always love you as a friend, a person that used to stand firmly besides me.
In conclusion, to move to the next level maybe takes a longer time now, and it is possible that I will be the last among my key friends who will get married. I am happy to see my friends enjoying life with their partner, family, and children. They have found happiness and hopefully will be everlasting. My journey for happiness and success will continue. Intimate relationship is not my highest priority now, as long as I have my family and few friends that always be on my side and shower me with wisdom and advice.
Regret? Yes, but life must go on. You cannot write a success story if you stay at the same spot. May Allah S.W.T. bless all of us. Ameen!