Hari ini (14 Oktober 2014), saya selesai membaca buku ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus‘. Buku ini saya beli pada 28 September 2014, dan saya maklum buku ini amat terkenal. Selepas selesai membacanya, saya bersetuju dengan huraian yang ditulis oleh penulisnya, dan saya sendiri secara peribadi berasa lebih faham akan bagaimana seorang lelaki dan wanita berfikir, bertindak dan berkomunikasi dalam satu-satu perhubungan.
Saya mengesyorkan anda untuk membaca dan memahami buku ini. Ia diulas dengan mengambilkira psikologi manusia, dan Insya Allah, anda akan menjadi insan yang lebih menghargai bukan sahaja pasangan/rakan, tetapi diri anda sendiri.
Berikut adalah beberapa petikan (point) yang saya ambil daripada buku tersebut, dan saya kekalkan dalam Bahasa Inggeris supaya maksudnya kekal (intact). Petikan ini saya rasa amat membantu dan anda boleh memahami dan mengamalkannya;
01. Woman use various superlative, metaphors, and generalizations.
02. Men’s silence is most easily misinterpreted by women.
03. Women become insecure when a man suddenly becomes quiet.
04. When a man is silent, it is easy for a woman to imagine the worst.
05. He wants her to be happy so that he has one less problem to worry about.
06. Men show their love by not worrying, whereas women are when someone assist her, having a supportive relationship.
07. Woman shall not offer critism or advice unless he asks. Instead, try giving him loving acceptance, and not lectures.
08. Men need to feel very secure before they open up and ask for support.
09. It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy.
10. Relationship could work better by creating or changing a few simple phrases.
11. Four (4) magic words to support a man -> It’s not your fault.
12. When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.
13. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
14. When a woman wants to talk of feels the need to get close, she should do the talking and not expect a man to initiate the conversation.
15. Men need to have a reason to talk. They do not talk just for the sake of sharing.
16. The more a woman tries to get a man to talk, the more he will resist.
17. It is more effective to teach a man to listen than to open up and be vulnerable. As he learns to listen to someone he cares for and is appreciated in response, he gradually will open up and share more, automatically.
18. A woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom, it is a time for emotional housecleaning.
19. Most men naively expect that shine to last forever.
20. To understand women is to listen.
21. A man sometimes need to be alone.
22. Even when a man is succeeding in supporting a woman, he may become more upset!
23. Men are like a rubberband, whereas women are like a well (perigi).
24. Telling a woman she should not feel hurt is the worst thing a man can say. It hurts her even more, like poking a stick into an open wound.
25. Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset.
26. Men want space while women want understanding.
27. Money does not fulfill emotional needs.
28. Many women try to help their man by improving him but unknowingly weaken or hurt him!
29. The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change or improve him.
30. Just as communications is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be the most destructive element, because the closer we are to someone, the easier it is to get bruise or be bruised.
31. As a basic guidelines – never argue!
32. Negotiate for what you want but do not argue.
33. It is not what we say that hurts but how we say it.
34. The four (4) stances – Fight; Flight; Fake; Fold.
35. Intimidation always weakens trust in a relationship.
36. A man can handle differences and disagreements best when his emotional needs are being fulfilled.
37. Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman’s feelings and she responds to him disapprovingly.
38. Women commonly interrogate a man about is behavior with a disapproving tone.
39. Men are most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset the woman they love.
40. A man can respond best to short and direct statements. Lectures and/or questions are counterproductive.
41. When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point – each gift has equal value.
42. To a woman, the little things are just as important as the big things.
43. When a woman feels loving, her behavior will automatically express that love. When a man expresses himself in loving behavior, automatically his feelings will follow and become more loving.
44. The person writing their true feelings will feel vurnerable.
45. (What was considered) loving communication might include acting out or rationalizing negative feelings through physical punishment, yelling, spanking, whipping, and all kinds of verbal abuse – all in the name of trying to help the children learn right from wrong.
46. Men are motivated by appreciation.
47. One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
48. Assertive asking means asking with a sense of confidence and trust that he will support you if he can.
49. Men rarely say “I am sorry” because it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing. Women, however, say “I am sorry” as a way to say “I care about what you are feeling”.
50. The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
Untuk lebih pemahaman dan huraian lanjut untuk setiap petikan ini, disyorkan untuk membaca buku yang disebutkan.